Putin to Biden: Joe, you are professional!

Let's praise the presidents!

Hey, suka blyat

It’s Tom The F*cking Commie. I know, I know – you thought that I died since we didn’t see each other for loooooong time. Yes, at a drunk party after my graduation (I received Masters in Vodka Studies) I really thought bye, bye world, and hello, Uncle Stalin. Yet it didn’t happen, and I am with you again, whether you don’t like it or hate it!

But I am not here with you to discuss how many vodkas I drank last night (because I don’t f*cking remember!). I am here to discuss the recent meeting Biden and Vladimir (yeah, the one you thought about) had.

So how it was?

Well, from the first glance it looked like two grandpas came to see each other to remember good, old days, that especially came up good thanks to memories’ amplifier called vodka. And during that meeting, Joe got a compliment. Which is a very important thing, because when Putin calls somebody professional, then how can you deny this? If you would, well… hello, Uncle Stalin!

According to a CNN article, Putin praises Biden, calling him a “professional” following Geneva summit, a statement already speaks about itself: our sleepy Joe is professional. Yes, republicans, even Trump, Putin’s buddy, didn’t get that! This is what the Russian president said about Biden according to the article:

He’s a balanced and professional man, and it’s clear that he’s very experienced […] It seems to me that we did speak the same language.

Respectively, the American leader left the meeting with a positive impression about Putin. But jokes aside, I believe that the meeting went professional as possible taking into consideration U.S.-Russian relationships. American and Russian leaders discussed issues regarding Ukraine, the status of Crimea, Alexey Navalny’s arrest, Russian hackers, and the overall situation in the world which still sucks, to be honest.

So, what about us, commoners? What we should do? Nothing but to wait that something good would eventually happen. If that so, then our leaders, be it, Putin or Biden, are professional and positive not only in words but in action.

Takie dela.

Putin is Officially Sexiest Man Alive! (Both in Russia and the rest of the world)

I am Putin and I know it

Hey comrades,

As a straight male, before I went to bed, I always ask myself: who is the sexiest man alive?
Is it James Bond, the strong and skillful agent who charms and undresses women and triumphs villains with his unlimited talents? Nyet! Is it Arnold Schwarzenegger, the real Mr. Olympia, Predator’ vanquisher with the nickname “Get-to-the-choppa!!!”, and our beloved Terminator-Governator? Nyet!

Is it Sylvester Stallone, Rocky, and Rambo? Nyet!

Is it Chuck Norris, who doesn’t need any introduction? Nyet? Nyet!

It’s *drumroll* VLADIMIR VLADIMOROVICH PUTIN, daaaaaa!

In its recent article New York Post found out the following:
The highly suspect and mildly terrifying poll by job board site Superjob.ru surveyed 2,000 Russians and determined that the 68-year-old bachelor is the sexiest man in the country, the Moscow Times reported.

Yeah, I know it's a Russian poll but hey, who would deny that Putin is the sexiest man alive, at least as the sexiest president? Ok, let’s check out another candidacy:

Joe Biden. Yep, back in the days, Joe was a lady’s man, but now… well... eh… mmm… how can I put this more softly… I just hope Joe would cancel student loans, and he’ll be fine!

Xi Jinping. Did anybody already joke about the Asian small pack? Oh, did I just? Is it racist? Ok, can you prove it? Here you go!

Boris Johnson. Really, can a man whose name is Boris has something to do with the sex?

Emmanuel Macron. His wife, who is twice elder than him, can say it but would we believe to 67-years old lady? Perhaps Joe would!

Seems like there is nobody who can challenge Putin’s status as the sexiest and manliest man in the world.

What can I say? Takie dela at the moment.  

Covid-19 Vaccine: Another B*llshit or Light in The End of The Dark-Ass Tunnel?

The cure is on the way?

My dear and hopefully healthy and well-drunk comrades,

The situation with Covid-19 remains uneasy: the mortality rate grows, and nationwide lockdown wouldn’t be canceled any time soon. Neither Trump nor Putin, Russian hackers, and not even thousands of Putins and Chuck Norris (don’t kill me for this, Chuck) can’t stop it: we are all tired with the things that are going on right now.

From the beginning of this sh*t we have been told about undergoing development vaccines and here’s the news for ya, comrades.

According to the article, Russia announces positive COVID-vaccine results from controversial trial Russian vaccine Sputnik V (by the way this word means “satellite” in English) has shown great results in fighting this damn motherf*cker from Wuhan:

The Gamaleya National Center of Epidemiology and Microbiology in Moscow and the Russian Direct Investment Fund said that an interim analysis of 20 COVID-19 cases identified among trial participants has found that the vaccine was 92% effective. The analysis looked at more than 16,000 volunteers — who received either the vaccine or a placebo — 3 weeks after they had taken the first dose. The trial has enrolled a total of 40,000 participants, the release said.

Sounds good, right? But it’s too early (but never too late) to drink vodka! These are not the final but interim results only that needs further tests:

The low number of cases reported in the Sputnik V trial means that there is less certainty that the vaccine’s true efficacy is above 90%, compared with the Pfizer and BioNTech analysis, said Stephen Evans, an epidemiologist at the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, in a statement to the UK Science Media Centre (SMC). “Further follow-up is needed because the results are compatible with a much lower efficacy — 60% — based on these data.”

And it’s not all! The article What does COVID-19 vaccine effectiveness mean? Gives a quote that made me think that vaccine research is far from the end:

The broad, early effectiveness figures don’t tell the whole story. Scientists also need to understand how well the vaccine protects people in different age groups and demographic categories.

If you take people who may have side effects even from the 100%-working vaccine coupled with folks who believe that vaccine is another Devil’s invention just like Los Angles traffic jam the situation is hardly fixable! But there is hope.

Seems like big world guys (ok liberals, you may think that they’re nonbinary Alien women – wait, what???) like Russia, the UK, and the USA are working hard to find a vaccine that would save humanity from this Coronapocalypshit. And if politics could matter less than it should be these three superpowers could unite to fight this damn virus and find the way from this ass that whole world had stuck in. F*ck you, coronavirus, you stink!

Takie dela, suka blyat!

P.S If somebody knows CEO of coronavirus, please mail putinlikestrump@gmail.com so I can kick his arse!

Americans Are Weird As Hell

Craziness Americans Can't See

Hello, my lovely and sexy comrades!

I’ve been living in the USA for almost 6 years and during that time I watched a lot of quirks Americans do. It’s time to ask you: WHAT THE F*CK ARE YOU DOING?!

1. Asking ‘How are you?” with no actual interest in it

Why do you ask this question if you don’t want to know how am I doing? I know that you don’t want to hear that I am upset with Russian hackers’ job during this election or that I’ve been working hard last night and didn’t sleep much. I know that you ask this question in the sense of politeness, not sincerity. You have a lot of issues with expressing your sincerity which also hurts you: you may look positive, but at the same time you take antidepressants to cure your long-lasting depression... The USA is the #1 nation of antidepressants-consumers in the world. In the world! And you consider your country the greatest in the world? Think of it for a moment.

2. Why are you smile all the time?

Russians and many other nations consider the American smile to be hypocritical, and we call it “plastic smile”. Why smile to everybody? I can see by your face that you are trying to smile, but don’t want to do this. What’s wrong with looking neutral? You should smile only to those who you care about or, like in my case when you get a good Russian Vodka Putinka (it’s actual Russian brand and it’s not sh*t like American Borski Vodka!!!).

3. Walking to strangers’ house with shoes

Why don’t you take off your shoes? For your information, we clean our floor and carpets and don’t want to see shoe spots, especially if you have been in 7eleven.

4. Obsession with race

You are trying hard to defend racism, but everybody talks about racial issues every time. Morgan Freeman once said: "I'm going to stop calling you a white man and I'm going to ask you to stop calling me a black man". Is it that hard? All people are equal and deserve respect except those who like pizza with pineapples.

5. Obsession with being politically correct

Why everybody is so sensitive and get triggered when they see (or think they see) something racist, sexist, and another sh*t like that? I don’t care if you would hate me for this, but in many ways, these issues have been created by your sick imagination. I get triggered when I see why Russian hackers do so poorly this year.

6. Obsession with money and materialism

There is even a t-shirt with “I am not gay but 20$ is 20$” title on it. You are so miserable.

7. Love to argue

The American paradox: everybody super nice to each other until they got a verbal fight. Many Americans are quite aggressive when they don’t get the things they want. I understand when you get upset about serious things like why America is not a part of Russia yet, but why small things can piss you off? You are so miserable.

8. Aggressive foreign policy

You blame Russia, Chine, Iran for all the sins, but you have invaded Iraq, Libya, and Syria. So, who is the main world aggressor after all?

9. Americans are so spoiled

Stop complaining about any kind of harassment. Life is not easy. Nobody owes you anything. If you want to live well, without stress, take away your hypocritical smiles. Be sincere, stop competing all the time and trust me, then your life will become much easier and better. Money is important, but they don’t solve everything.

You can laugh at my words, but you have no other choice. In the US, violence only grows.  Look at the skyrocketing number of mass shootings, police brutality, racial conflicts (in which everyone is to blame, absolutely all races, both whites and blacks, and Asians and Latinos have racists, everyone!), not speaking about material instability.

PUTtINg it all together, I don’t want to offend my dear Americans. Jokes aside, I think that America is a great country in many ways, majority of people are very nice here, but WHY ARE YOU KEEP DOING THESE FUC*ING STUPID QUIRKS THAT MADE ME WANT TO ASK VLADIMIR (THE ONE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT, DAAAAA!) PRESS RED COMMUNIST BUTTON AND MAKE AMERICA EXPLOSIVELY SHINE AGAIN??

I am a good and kind person but… you are so weird. It’s vodka time… see you again next time. Dosvidaniya and go to hell!

NO SAME-SEX MARRIAGE IN RUSSIA

No same-sex marriage in Russia

Vsem Privet,

Same-sex marriage, including both genders, as well as transgenders (how many genders are there, lol?), won’t ever be legalized in Russia as well as in other post-soviet countries.

Why not?

First, same-sex marriage, LGBTQ, and other same-like novelty from West considered to be a threat to a conservative, family-oriented, and religious Russian society. Moreover, same-sex marriage may hit to demographics of the country, where the population slowly decreases. In recent corrections to the Russian constitution, Vladimir Putin and State Duma (analog of American congress) made clear statements, that family, traditions, and ethics are the main priority to the country. This is what Putin recently said:

As far as ‘parent number 1’ and ‘parent number 2’ goes, I’ve already spoken publicly about this and I’ll repeat it: As long as I’m president this will not happen. There will be dad and mum,

However, these statements do not cancel or somehow oppress non-traditional sexual relationships in the country. For instance, there are many gay celebrities in Russia. You’d be surprised, but some of whom are open about their orientation where others won’t make coming out for personal reasons.

But let’s imagine, that State Duma allowed same-sex marriage. What reactions would follow? Nationwide protests may lead the government to lose its legitimacy in people’s eyes. If even there will be no protests, LGBTQ won’t simply take root in society.

It always a bad idea to sow seeds where they won’t ever grow, after all.

You Are F*ck*d Up, Clearview!

You Are F*ck*d Up, Clearview!

Tom The Commie - CCS Blogger

Zdravstvuyte my dear tovarischi! 

Da, I read the news like everyone else, and as a KGB secret agent, I am aware that Clearview AI’s client data was stolen.

Pozor and so creepy, because right now all internet knows that you people (and particularly you…yes, especially you!) likes pizza with pineapples, consider Jar Jar Binks to be the best Star Wars’ character, and bought that ‘I am not gay but $20 is $20’ t-shirt from eBay. Eh.

No wonder why the public is outraged. 

Tor Ekeland, Clearview AI's attorney, said that "Security is Clearview's top priority."

Really? I am outraged too! Now everybody knows that I hack American elections for fun I cheated to pass my “Politics of Kanye West” class in a bet for a Zhigulevskoe beer with my friend Ivan. But that’s a story for other time. 

Tech giants also outraged. Google, Facebook, and even Microsoft sent Clearview AI warning letters to delete images from their platforms.

What does Clearview say? 

Ekeland added that in the 21st century it’s normal to have such issues. 

Normal? There are people fired for reading “Three Ways to Tell Your Boss He is Jerk” while on the clock because of your failure, Clearview! 

At the same time, the news is great! In what way? Because it’s the first time nobody accuses Russia of stealing data, hacking elections, forgetting keys in car, etc.! We are not detected, ura! 

That’s all, comrades! It’s my time to hack borsh again. Vsego horoshego! 

THE RUSSIANS ARE COMING!

THE RUSSIANS ARE COMING! THE RUSSIANS ARE COMING! THE RUSHHHHHHHHHHHHHIANS ARE COMING!

In fact, we – I mean THEY – are even closer than it may seem! At least for Americans, who believe that the sun is revolving around the Earth, which, of course as we know, is flat!

Zdravstvuyte comrades!

This is Tom the Commie, with an overview of the recent Iowa caucus debacle. Of course, everybody’s first thoughts were: “Are Russian hackers manipulating an American election?”

Big nyet!

The only conspiracy here is poll workers failing to use their app to count results correctly.

Since it’s uncomfortable to admit government officials don’t know how to use iPads, when America has problems, Russia is always scapegoat.

Such pozor, isn’t it?

The New York Times wrote an article directly saying that Russia is meddling to re-elect Trump.

There’s nothing new, just accusations towards Russia. Behind all this so-callness there is hardly any evidence.

Just check out ridiculous one:

“The intelligence community issued an assessment in early 2017 that President Vladimir V. Putin personally ordered a campaign of influence in the previous year’s election and developed ‘a clear preference for President-elect Trump.’”

Yep, Putin by his czarist will personally command Trump to become a president. Just like the same way he commanded George Bush to choke on his pretzel.

It’s said democracy is dying in darkness…Is it?

It seems like democracy dying in ignorance.

So that’s how it just goes comrades. Russia is the bad guy! A furious bear.

Dosvidanya!