TOM THE COMMIE

The Socialist States of America

Is America really turning "red"?

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All Power to the Soviets!

For those who don’t know this is an old Soviet statement that highlights the strength of communist ideas that were, as we all know it, Soviet Union and other socialist states proclaimed, showed, and promoted.

            Why I am telling you this, my dear Americans, or, because of the following trend, that I am about to discuss in five-second, shall I start to call you my American comrades?

The thing is that now American youth is more than ever considered socialism as an effective alternative to capitalism according to the Fox News article Millennials, Gen Z increasingly comfortable with socialism, Marxism, activists say.

            How on earth America is turning red after the victory in the cold war over USSR and its allies?

            I promise – it’s either me, Vodka, nor Vladimir (yes, the one you thought about, and it’s not Putin but Lenin). Vladimir Illyich Lenin!

            Ironically, the end of the Cold War rather sent them underground than buried Marxist and other leftist ideas.   

            But do Americans need to consider this seriously?

            Historian Lee Edwards, Ph. D., says that:

"What most millennials mean by 'socialism' seems to be a mix of our welfare state and what they perceive to be Swedish democratic socialism. But Sweden and the other Scandinavian countries including Denmark favor the free market and are content with private rather than government ownership of their major industries."

            While historian is right in his observations, we all see that left ideas are becoming popular in the USA.

            However, don’t get afraid, my dear Americans. Neither socialism nor communism would hardly become a dominant ideology in the USA. No businessmen, no CEOs, white-collar workers won’t want to lose their money and property for the sake of building a “world free of exploitation”. It's impossible the same way I will stop drink Vod… which is another big peer-reviewed topic to discuss.

            I think that many millennials sympathize with these ideas because they proclaimed social equality. Thus, BLM, feminists, LGBTQ, and other organizations adopted Marxist ideas in their fight – or rather they believe they are fighting – against racism and other forms of oppression. This is certainly great, but consequences of these protests, like material damage worth millions of dollars, street anarchy, reversed racism, and aggressive rhetoric towards white people (yes, it does exist) once again confirms that leftist populism still dominates over real Marxist ideas that aimed to destroy oppression of any kind. Unfortunately, part of the American youth perceives and practices these ideas in a very superficial, one-sided, and distorted way.

            Neither Karl Marx who was concerned about social inequality and nor Martin Luther King who was fighting against racism and racial prejudices would hardly accept the modern manifestation of the ideas they believed in.

             Let me quickly speak about the manifestation of socialism. You’d be surprised, but the USSR, People’s Republic of China, Vietnam, Romania, and even Scandinavian countries that shared a lot of socialism traits had and have different views of socialism. I won’t go into details about these distinctions (there is a big number of books about it) but sometimes these approaches turned socialist states into foes. For example, China and USSR had a hostile relationship (so-called Sino-Soviet split) at the end of the 1950s. Modern China is a half-capitalist country and Scandinavian socialism is paired with a free market.

So, who is the real commie here?

            Even USSR didn’t have “clear” socialism but rather had government capitalism. However, and despite Western Anti-Soviet propaganda USSR had a lot of benefits of socialism. For instance, the Soviet government gave its citizens free flats, free cars (though it took a lot of time to get it), free education, and medicine both of whom were considered one of the best in the world. USSR may not have product variety, but Soviet people didn’t bother themselves to struggle to find a job after graduation – a big issue millions of American millennials must deal with to some level. 

            Indeed, if we take growing national debt, expensive rents, employment problems, and the increasing gap between rich and poor in America we can see that capitalism is not great. However, American citizens of all generations and races remain a consumer society that won’t turn this country into the Socialist States of America.

            Takie dela.

Covid-19 Vaccine: Another B*llshit or Light in The End of The Dark-Ass Tunnel?

The cure is on the way?

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My dear and hopefully healthy and well-drunk comrades,

The situation with Covid-19 remains uneasy: the mortality rate grows, and nationwide lockdown wouldn’t be canceled any time soon. Neither Trump nor Putin, Russian hackers, and not even thousands of Putins and Chuck Norris (don’t kill me for this, Chuck) can’t stop it: we are all tired with the things that are going on right now.

From the beginning of this sh*t we have been told about undergoing development vaccines and here’s the news for ya, comrades.

According to the article, Russia announces positive COVID-vaccine results from controversial trial Russian vaccine Sputnik V (by the way this word means “satellite” in English) has shown great results in fighting this damn motherf*cker from Wuhan:

The Gamaleya National Center of Epidemiology and Microbiology in Moscow and the Russian Direct Investment Fund said that an interim analysis of 20 COVID-19 cases identified among trial participants has found that the vaccine was 92% effective. The analysis looked at more than 16,000 volunteers — who received either the vaccine or a placebo — 3 weeks after they had taken the first dose. The trial has enrolled a total of 40,000 participants, the release said.

Sounds good, right? But it’s too early (but never too late) to drink vodka! These are not the final but interim results only that needs further tests:

The low number of cases reported in the Sputnik V trial means that there is less certainty that the vaccine’s true efficacy is above 90%, compared with the Pfizer and BioNTech analysis, said Stephen Evans, an epidemiologist at the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, in a statement to the UK Science Media Centre (SMC). “Further follow-up is needed because the results are compatible with a much lower efficacy — 60% — based on these data.”

And it’s not all! The article What does COVID-19 vaccine effectiveness mean? Gives a quote that made me think that vaccine research is far from the end:

The broad, early effectiveness figures don’t tell the whole story. Scientists also need to understand how well the vaccine protects people in different age groups and demographic categories.

If you take people who may have side effects even from the 100%-working vaccine coupled with folks who believe that vaccine is another Devil’s invention just like Los Angles traffic jam the situation is hardly fixable! But there is hope.

Seems like big world guys (ok liberals, you may think that they’re nonbinary Alien women – wait, what???) like Russia, the UK, and the USA are working hard to find a vaccine that would save humanity from this Coronapocalypshit. And if politics could matter less than it should be these three superpowers could unite to fight this damn virus and find the way from this ass that whole world had stuck in. F*ck you, coronavirus, you stink!

Takie dela, suka blyat!

P.S If somebody knows CEO of coronavirus, please mail putinlikestrump@gmail.com so I can kick his arse!

Americans Are Weird As Hell

Craziness Americans Can't See

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Hello, my lovely and sexy comrades!

I’ve been living in the USA for almost 6 years and during that time I watched a lot of quirks Americans do. It’s time to ask you: WHAT THE F*CK ARE YOU DOING?!

1. Asking ‘How are you?” with no actual interest in it

Why do you ask this question if you don’t want to know how am I doing? I know that you don’t want to hear that I am upset with Russian hackers’ job during this election or that I’ve been working hard last night and didn’t sleep much. I know that you ask this question in the sense of politeness, not sincerity. You have a lot of issues with expressing your sincerity which also hurts you: you may look positive, but at the same time you take antidepressants to cure your long-lasting depression... The USA is the #1 nation of antidepressants-consumers in the world. In the world! And you consider your country the greatest in the world? Think of it for a moment.

2. Why are you smile all the time?

Russians and many other nations consider the American smile to be hypocritical, and we call it “plastic smile”. Why smile to everybody? I can see by your face that you are trying to smile, but don’t want to do this. What’s wrong with looking neutral? You should smile only to those who you care about or, like in my case when you get a good Russian Vodka Putinka (it’s actual Russian brand and it’s not sh*t like American Borski Vodka!!!).

3. Walking to strangers’ house with shoes

Why don’t you take off your shoes? For your information, we clean our floor and carpets and don’t want to see shoe spots, especially if you have been in 7eleven.

4. Obsession with race

You are trying hard to defend racism, but everybody talks about racial issues every time. Morgan Freeman once said: "I'm going to stop calling you a white man and I'm going to ask you to stop calling me a black man". Is it that hard? All people are equal and deserve respect except those who like pizza with pineapples.

5. Obsession with being politically correct

Why everybody is so sensitive and get triggered when they see (or think they see) something racist, sexist, and another sh*t like that? I don’t care if you would hate me for this, but in many ways, these issues have been created by your sick imagination. I get triggered when I see why Russian hackers do so poorly this year.

6. Obsession with money and materialism

There is even a t-shirt with “I am not gay but 20$ is 20$” title on it. You are so miserable.

7. Love to argue

The American paradox: everybody super nice to each other until they got a verbal fight. Many Americans are quite aggressive when they don’t get the things they want. I understand when you get upset about serious things like why America is not a part of Russia yet, but why small things can piss you off? You are so miserable.

8. Aggressive foreign policy

You blame Russia, Chine, Iran for all the sins, but you have invaded Iraq, Libya, and Syria. So, who is the main world aggressor after all?

9. Americans are so spoiled

Stop complaining about any kind of harassment. Life is not easy. Nobody owes you anything. If you want to live well, without stress, take away your hypocritical smiles. Be sincere, stop competing all the time and trust me, then your life will become much easier and better. Money is important, but they don’t solve everything.

You can laugh at my words, but you have no other choice. In the US, violence only grows.  Look at the skyrocketing number of mass shootings, police brutality, racial conflicts (in which everyone is to blame, absolutely all races, both whites and blacks, and Asians and Latinos have racists, everyone!), not speaking about material instability.

PUTtINg it all together, I don’t want to offend my dear Americans. Jokes aside, I think that America is a great country in many ways, majority of people are very nice here, but WHY ARE YOU KEEP DOING THESE FUC*ING STUPID QUIRKS THAT MADE ME WANT TO ASK VLADIMIR (THE ONE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT, DAAAAA!) PRESS RED COMMUNIST BUTTON AND MAKE AMERICA EXPLOSIVELY SHINE AGAIN??

I am a good and kind person but… you are so weird. It’s vodka time… see you again next time. Dosvidaniya and go to hell!

How Feminists See Porn

How Feminists See Porn

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Vsem privet, godpoda!

I recently read an article Sex Experts Explain Everything You Need To Know About Feminist Porn and you know what? I am shocked or, how we say it on Russian, ya v ahue (я в ахуе), meaning I am… deeply f*cking shocked. It’s so ridiculous!

Let’s be honest, you don’t need to attend college or evening church to know what porn is and, if you ask me, I always thought that porn is only a visual thing because I watched this milli…

Well, it’s a whole different story so let’s go back to our topic.

This article changed my mind because it’s a bunch of professional scholars (!!!) who talks about porn. Particularly about feminist porn. If I am not mistaken, these… em… porn scholars watch adult movies 24/7 to write reviews in a strong academic language. Here is one quote:

"In terms of production, feminist porn focuses on making it 'safe, professional, political, empowering, and fun.'" 

What did I just read? Making it professional, political, and empowering? How can you make it political? Or is it something we need to take seriously because it may appear in the next election?

Hey, America! I knew you were a crazy country full of paradoxes, but I didn’t think you have crossed the borders of common sense. And you guys called us crazy communists for 70 years!

Awright, we live in a time when everybody behaves like a sensitive kid who likes to play a race and/or victim card and cry a river if they see (or imagine) that someone tries to suppress their rights. I don’t mind it when it has something to do with real issues, but sometimes (well, frequently) it reminds me of symptoms of paranoid schizophrenia.

So, I guess the feminist porn is a form of women defense against toxic masculinity and men’s domination in a sex hierarchy? I can buy it but isn’t that statement contradicts the opinion that media has been sexualizing women for a long time?  

So now adepts of feminism want to promote porn that defends… women's rights or something else related to that? Well… Who am I but a toxic straight white Russian communist male to judge it?!

Yet I am still puzzled and to figure out what it is I am going to watch feminist’s por… I mean National Geographic documentaries about bees.

Vsem udachi!

Quarantine Dating Glossary: Semi-Surrogate Sex Life?

Quarantine Dating Glossary: Semi-Surrogate Sex Life?
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Quarantine Dating Glossary: Semi-Surrogate Sex Life?

Zdorova, ladies and ladies!

            We all wonder how to f*ck during quarantine? The Ultimate Guide To Quarantine Dating Lingo shared guidelines on how to avoid loneliness or, to simply put this, how not to be a sexless loser during this prolonged epidemy.

            Here are the guidelines we need to follow:

1)     Zoom Date. Despite Zoom’s glitches, you and your crush can have a great conversation from afar.

What’s wrong with that? It’s a distance relationship that hardly ever lead to something serious. Even you can see your second half from your PC or smartphone screen, you remained alone. You may drown into real heart-breaking solitude because (and I have that experience guys that once put me into a long depression when I drank countless vodkas) the odds are that you can become obsessed with your love object so much that it can cause troubles with your everyday life.

However, some people like this. I don’t know about you guys, but it’s not my freaking type. I learned this line from one of my acquaintances who said he won’t live in Las Vegas since there are too many casinos he didn’t expect (WTF, MAN?!).

2)     Virtual One Night Stand. When hooking up with someone with no intention to continue communication, now it takes online format with much more sexting.

What’s wrong with that? It’s a paradox since hook up implies, if you don’t know it, my dear first-graders, real-life meeting with minimum sexting part. Sexting is a good idea, but when it happens online-only (if I get this right) it looks like a middle-school I-love-you-let-me-pound-you note a teacher can accidentally pick up and say… well, it’s OK, kid, come into mah haus’ we’ll watch Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure.

3)     Match-Cute. Instead of going to Starbucks or Bookstore (which usually is the same thing), you see your crash’ profile and his or her desires in dating apps.

What’s wrong with that? Dating apps sucks guys. Back in the days when they were becoming popular, you had better chances to catch prey. Right now, dating apps consisted of a bunch of fakes, retarded millennials (who wrote ridiculous things like “If you like sharks, GFY” or “I am a white girl and wish to be a gay man” (no b*llshit, guys, I saw it; for your information, honey, if you are a girl you are already gay!), and selfish valley girls who want to date or marry a rich purse. I don’t want to demotivate you folks, and they're still a chance to find a good fit, but let’s admit that we all saw that. Dating apps are the worst thing in the universe, besides Twitter and New York Metro.

4)     Coronavirus Boyfriend. Someone you met before quarantine and who you decided to reach out because you are tired of boredom. It might not be the best thing, but now it’s OK.

Nothing wrong with that so far except the fact that you may break up with ‘someone nice’ when you get bored. Don’t play on feelings, folks.

5)     Corona-zoned which is pandemic friend-zoning.

What’s wrong with that? Just read this again: pandemic friendzone. It’s so disgraceful that I can’t leave any more comments on that.

6)      Sexually Isolating to prevent getting COVID-19.

Can work for introverts, but not for everybody else.

7)     Turbo Relationship. Quick relationship within the space of a few months.

What’s wrong with that? It’s just another semi-fake relationship with few obligations.

8)     Zumping or chat room.

            Good idea, but I am already doing it with KGB.

9)     Post-Quarantine Date. The first date you go with someone you met on dating apps or social media.

Finally, the real-life date! Just don’t tell you like sharks, and everything will probably go smoothly.

That’s it, ladies and ladies and it’s up you to decide what the best for you. Let me share my alternative:

1)     Use your phone or PC a few times a day or when you need to. Surprisingly, but it can reduce the level of stress and make you feel freer.

2)     Instead of watching Netflix, grab a good book since reading is always a good idea.

3)     Though all gyms are closed, create a jogging habit on the morning or evenings.

4)     Try meditation.

5)     It’s a good time to advance your skills and to work on your flaws. Become a better version of yourself!

Millennials be like:

Wat, I just read? Stop using the phone, read more, and go jogging? Work on yourself? Bruh, I am perfect though others say I am not (they just jealous!). Who read books in 21 century? The last thing I read was the McDonald’s menu. My favorite part is about Bacon and Cheeseburger. You made such an oppressive comment! You don’t like that I hate sharks? You hate me because my gender is Arctic Seal?  YOU’RE RACIST! I am going to call the police… wait I hate the police… OMG, I started to cry.

NO SAME-SEX MARRIAGE IN RUSSIA

No same-sex marriage in Russia

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Vsem Privet,

Same-sex marriage, including both genders, as well as transgenders (how many genders are there, lol?), won’t ever be legalized in Russia as well as in other post-soviet countries.

Why not?

First, same-sex marriage, LGBTQ, and other same-like novelty from West considered to be a threat to a conservative, family-oriented, and religious Russian society. Moreover, same-sex marriage may hit to demographics of the country, where the population slowly decreases. In recent corrections to the Russian constitution, Vladimir Putin and State Duma (analog of American congress) made clear statements, that family, traditions, and ethics are the main priority to the country. This is what Putin recently said:

As far as ‘parent number 1’ and ‘parent number 2’ goes, I’ve already spoken publicly about this and I’ll repeat it: As long as I’m president this will not happen. There will be dad and mum,

However, these statements do not cancel or somehow oppress non-traditional sexual relationships in the country. For instance, there are many gay celebrities in Russia. You’d be surprised, but some of whom are open about their orientation where others won’t make coming out for personal reasons.

But let’s imagine, that State Duma allowed same-sex marriage. What reactions would follow? Nationwide protests may lead the government to lose its legitimacy in people’s eyes. If even there will be no protests, LGBTQ won’t simply take root in society.

It always a bad idea to sow seeds where they won’t ever grow, after all.