Following Crimea, Venus is now a new part of Russia
Hello Comrades!
We’ve got two news for you: good and bad. What news do you want to hear first? Since we all like to hear the good news first, here is the bad news: scientists found a phosphine gas on Venus which is a potential sign of the possible life on this planet; so Aliens do exists, they kidnapped Elvis Presley, killed Kennedy, ruined ABBA, created a pizza with pineapples and now they will conquer the world.
The good news is that Venus is a Russian planet!
Aliens won’t conquer and colonize us because if they even would like to try, they will go to Venus GULAG! Vladimir (yes, the one you think about) is already thinking about building a whole Communist colony there. He wants to do this right away before America would invade Venus to overthrown the aliens’ government for the lack of democracy and suppressing alien minorities. Nyet, America! Venus is already red – maybe because it’s the sexiest oh sorry I mean the hottest planet in our solar system – and it won’t tolerate any capitalism over there! Capitalism is too unstable it would melt when settling down there!
But putting jokes aside, there is a reason why Venus is called the Russian planet. Back in the days, when grass was greener and people could find jobs, and when USSR hasn’t collapsed yet Venus was considered a ‘Soviet planet’ because Soviet Union invested in research of this planet the most (whereas NASA focused it research on Mars). Since the Russian Federation is the full and official assignee of USSR the Venus is a Russian planet!
There is one issue with Venus: it doesn’t sound Russian enough. So it’s not Venus but Venislav!