Vecher v hatu!

You can say everything about Russia – that its history is bloody hell, that its politics suck, that its leaders are far from the example of honesty and dignity (just like the majority of our f*cking world). Yes, Russian dela were and still f*cked up in many ways.

But if you take something that Russia has mainly won is the space race. Just think of it yourself: the first man in space was a man with a warm smile named Yuri Gagarin; the first woman in space was Elena Tereshkova.

Even the first animal in space called Layka was from Russia (the Soviet Union during that time) that wassent with a bottle of Russian Vodka. But hey… wait a second. Why an animal would travel to space with a bottle of vodka? Because Yuri and Elena got bored, that’s why! (just joking).

So recently I saw an article about how Russia sent the first actress crew to outer space to make the first space film out there, bringing U.S and Tom Cruise crazy Scientology dreams to find Xenu in space behind Russia. Yankees, go home, suka blyat!

For two weeks actress Yulia Peresild and director Klim Shipenko would make space shots of the upcoming Russian blockbuster The Challenge that is based on the real story of how a top surgeon ascended to the Russian model on ISS (International Space Station) for emergency purposes.

Let me share how the actress felt about her unique role:

I still feel that it’s all just a dream and I am asleep […] It is almost impossible to believe that this all came to reality, said Peresild.

However, the upcoming movie is not the first movie directed in ISS. We can remember The

Wonderful, a movie composed of collections of story astronauts.

But anyway, Tom… your ass was beaten up!

Takie dela and those are great!

Following Crimea, Venus is now a new part of Russia

Hello Comrades!

We’ve got two news for you: good and bad. What news do you want to hear first? Since we all like to hear the good news first, here is the bad news: scientists found a phosphine gas on Venus which is a potential sign of the possible life on this planet; so Aliens do exists, they kidnapped Elvis Presley, killed Kennedy, ruined ABBA, created a pizza with pineapples and now they will conquer the world.

The good news is that Venus is a Russian planet!

Aliens won’t conquer and colonize us because if they even would like to try, they will go to Venus GULAG! Vladimir (yes, the one you think about) is already thinking about building a whole Communist colony there. He wants to do this right away before America would invade Venus to overthrown the aliens’ government for the lack of democracy and suppressing alien minorities. Nyet, America! Venus is already red – maybe because it’s the sexiest oh sorry I mean the hottest planet in our solar system – and it won’t tolerate any capitalism over there! Capitalism is too unstable it would melt when settling down there!

But putting jokes aside, there is a reason why Venus is called the Russian planet. Back in the days, when grass was greener and people could find jobs, and when USSR hasn’t collapsed yet Venus was considered a ‘Soviet planet’ because Soviet Union invested in research of this planet the most (whereas NASA focused it research on Mars). Since the Russian Federation is the full and official assignee of USSR the Venus is a Russian planet!

There is one issue with Venus: it doesn’t sound Russian enough. So it’s not Venus but Venislav!

Russians beat Tom Cruise' Ass in Space!

Venus is officially Russian Planet!