BUZZFEED Has Awful Casual Encounter Section
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Kak dela, guys, women, republicans, democrats, transgenders, transhumans, cats, dogs, and fans of Star Wars: The Phantom Menace episode?
It doesn’t matter who you are since everybody would agree with one thing: we LOVE to take tests (except college ones, of course).
My homies from the CCS sent me an article from BUZZFEED called: Quiz: Are You Going To Be In My Quarantine Circle?
To understand how ridiculous and funny this test is, you should take it yourself. But let me give you the funniest moments from the test.
As everything else in life, the test starts normally. But then…
Are you currently infected with the coronavirus? My answer is NO since I don’t go out so often since Vladimir (not the one you thought about) don’t allow me.
Have your local health authorities said it’s OK to go outside? Not yet, but who cares what they say? I recently visited The Venus Beach and its local crowd acts crazy as usual.
Then this test asks me whether I am his or her parent, cousin, hot neighbor, or has any relation to it? Well, it was kinda disturbing since KGB used to ask caught American spies: “Do you have family, cousins, or any friends? Yes, you said! You won’t see them again, but you’ll get a new family in GULAG”.
Have we dated? Don’t remember. Did we have a romantic vacation in Vienna? I wanted to say no, but then I thought: if it’s you, Lucy, it was all mistake, I wish you the best, and goodbye forever!
After a couple of other questions, I got this: “Forget about it. Am I trying to have sex with you?”.
Well, I don’t mind, but please, be a girl (not you, Mrs. Dollores, and I don’t need any of your tips!).
Will you let me borrow your car, your pool, and weed? Well, babe, I don’t have those, but since you offer me sex, I don’t mind sharing those with you (except Vodka and weed that I also don’t have).
Will spending time with you distract me from the isolated hell time of pandemic life? Yeah, babe, time spent together would be a gift for our memories. I will give you the reddest passion a good communist can give to a woman. I am not like other guys. Da. Da. Da.
But suddenly I got this.
You got: No! You're not worth including in my quarantine circle!
Sorry! I like you, but not that much. The embers have grown cold, the ties have frayed, and the timber of our friendship has splintered. Whatever the reason, you're not worth including in my newly expanded quarantine circle. Bye forever!
Wow, wow, wow, what the fu*k you just said? Are kidding me? How that even impossible? And after everything, I have done (I mean, the things I could do to you if we could have sex) you said no? Охуеть! Fu*k you 1 000 000 million of times! You just everybody else, you just want to take my money! Дура, you don’t even to whom you said no! By the way… you are so ugly. Просто уродина. Even 10 liters of Vodka won’t make you beautiful in my eyes! Короче, просто иди нахуй!
Sorry America, now we WILL intervene in your elections! До встречи.
