Just tell me… why are you saying those?!
Welcome to hangover, friends!
Recently your next bar friend Tom the Fuck*ng Commie found an interesting Buzz Feed article where people discuss cute and just cool things Americans do often but what they at the same time don’t really think about. I chose my own favorites and this is what happened:
1. I like when Muricans say “Are you f*cking kiddin’ me?!”. A recently old guy (well can I call an old person an old guy? Guy is often someone who is young and dumb whereas an old person is often somebody who is just du… well, never mind, back to topic).
So recently old guy asked if I was f*cking kiddin’ him when I asked his ID on my job since he was about to buy alcohol (and it wasn’t good vodka!). I said to him: no, old guy, I am not f*cking kiddin’ you, just let me see your old guy’s ID. But why? Because I would send it to Vladimir (yeah, the one you thought about!) so he would ask me why Americans keep buying Borski vodka instead of Putinka or Russian Standard. Are they f*cking kiddin’ me or what?
2. I like when Muricans say “Happy Friday!”. How can it be happy Friday if I am working? Why are you telling me that, old guys, huh? You would take this vodka to your home to have a good time while I must stay here, behind the counter speaking with that another dumb old guy? Are you f*cking kiddin’ me?!
3. I like how Muricans say “Well, basically…” because whatever follows next is literally not worth being explained as “basically”.
4. It’s funny how Muricans say “Sup” instead of normal “What’s up?”. So here I have a question: “Why are you degrading your own language?! Sup with you?!”.
5. I like how Muricans say “It is what it is” because it is what it is, I got it already, thanks.
6. I like how Muricans say, “Oh shoot!” instead of “Oh sh*t!”. It’s just funny how you try to soft your speech and just to be a well-mannered person though your t-shirts like “I am not gay but 20$ is 20$” or “Justin Bieber USA 2012 Tour” automatically disprove it.
7. I like how Muricans say, “I’ll keep that in mind, but no, thanks” because that is the best and universal question to tiresome Mormons who come up with phrase like “We may come to your house and speak about Jesus”. Seriously, why do you want to speak about Jesus in my house? He doesn’t live there!
8. I like how Muricans say “Because it’s the greatest country in the world”. I like it because I know that Russia is the best country in the world, but why are you so lazy to add the word “Russia” in your expression?
9. I like how Muricans say “I don’t know to be honest” and make a facial expression like they are sorry for that.
10.It’s funny how Muricans say “You know I hate Trump because he is Putin’s puppet”. Why are you telling me things that I already know, dumbass?
11.It’s funny how Muricans say “You know I hate Joe because it's Joe”. Why are you telling me things that I already know, dumbass?
12.I like how Muricans say “AC” instead of “Air Conditioner”. Are you so greedy that you are even scared to pronounce extra letters?
Really, guys, why are so weird? But hey, you cute at the same time! Takie dela.